Which social skills are kids supposedly learning at school that homeschoolers supposedly aren't?

I'm so tired of "they won't have any social skills" or "they'll lose their social skills if you take them out of school." I'd like to know what this supposedly means.





Also, I'd be interested in hearing the reverse: which social skills do you think are better developed homeschooling than in school?

Which social skills are kids supposedly learning at school that homeschoolers supposedly aren't?
Gossip





Backbiting





Bullying





Name-calling





Disrespect for authorities





The celebration of personality instead of character





Betrayal





Mob-mentality


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Who wouldn't want to be well-rounded and experience all of these, particularly as a vulnerable child?
Reply:Thanks. Given that every public school facist says, "you have to experience all of these bad things, lest you be shocked as an adult," I believe this list is accurate. Report It

Reply:Ok, I just graduated from highschool and I homeschooled for most of my life. People say that homeschoolers won't have the social skills to deal with the "real world" or to make it in college. Well I have news for you. They are wrong!! I just started college and I LOVE it. I have made lots of friends and fit in just fine. Not only that, but because I homeschooled I got a really good education, so I am exceeding in the academic aspect of college as well. As for missing out on things durring highschool- here are a few of the things that I missed out on: pressure to do drugs and drink, pressure to have adult realationships, the constand gosiping and stupid things teenage girls say and do, and the whole pressure to fit in thing. if you ask me, these are good things to miss out on. Now, you might say that because I missed out on these things, that I won't know how to deal with them now. Well, college is a lot like highschool in these respects and just to let you know, I'm doing just fine. one of the skills I learned in homeschooling was to learn from reading a textbook. This is very important in college because proffesors often do not teach from the text and you are expected to read and learn from the material on your own, and be able to take tests on that material. Most of my friends have a really hard time with this because all of their lives they have learned by listning to a teacher teach in front of the classroom and never had to actually learn from their text books. I have a very large advantage in this area. My advice to home school parents is to get your kids involved in a local homeschool group or youth group. These are what I was involved in and it was enough for me to learn the necesary "social skills" while still getting a great education. My advice to teenage homeschoolers is to think about getting a part time job. not only will you make some money, but you will make new friends and be able to get out of the house once in a while. I did this and enjoyed it very much. anyway, for all you people who rag on homeschoolers- stop talking about things you know nothing about!
Reply:Why does a child have to "fit in" anyways? Isn't this a violation of their individualism? A child should not have to be afraid of being themselves and forsaking themselves at the expense of trying to have to fit in. The conformism that goes on in public schools is very disturbing and will have its consequences on kids in the future if they cannot develop some sort of self identity without looking to other people first.





Homeschoolers have good social skills -- they know how to speak to others of all ages with respect, no degradation or bullying involved.





In this case I'd say homeschoolers are better off socially than their public school counterparts.
Reply:I had no social skills in school and lots of problems. Mind you I'm not the average kid, I have a personality disorder. But since I've started homeschooling I've had more time for therapy and focusing on getting better. I now love to socialize and am making friends. I also love that homeschooling gives me the time to take classes at the community college. I find I get along much better with people who are older than me and it is definitely teaching me to grow up. (I'm 16) At first homeschooling was bad for me but that was because I had no friends while I was in public school, just people I sometimes talked to. I homeschooled and I had nothing. But I found activities to do to get me out in the world. I don't think homeschooling has anything to do with social skills. I had mental health issues, that was the problem. Homeschooling is what helped restore my sanity.
Reply:My son made f's and d's in public school he is now enrolled in an online school through our state which is a public school also..he is now making a's and b's..the teachers couldnt give him the help he needed to learn in public school..children go to school to learn and when they no longer are learning then they need to be put in a school where they can learn if its a home school or another public school..The public schools can no longer teach our children what they need..My son is in the 8th grade and he meets children from all over our state they go on class field trips together once a month..you cant even get that at a public school.my son is home schooled and he still has 7 teachers encluding a home room teacher, he even takes gym class which requires a ymca pass..my son wasnt staying busy enough to suit me so his school gave him more class's and work, they gave him high school work and he even earns credits for high school..they have prom, graduation ceremonies, the only thing his school doesnt have is sports. My son go to school to learn and if there is time then he meets friends..
Reply:The social skills that non home schooled children are learning that homeschooled children arent learning is how to make friends outside of your environment and I don't mean with others who are homeschooled. I mean do homeschooled children go to prom for high school or take part in school sports teams or experience dating different people? No they don't they're around each other so much that I wouldnt put it past many who get sick of seeing the same people all the time and want their own friends outside of the same environment.
Reply:My daughter has a far better understanding of cultural studies than your average grade schooler. She has gone to various religous services (both in the appropriate house of worship as well as in private homes). She has spent time with a much wider age group than she would have otherwise and has friends that run from pre-k to high school, including children with autism, Downe's, cerebral palsey and more. She has been exposed to creationism, evolution and the scientific studies that support both of them. She spends at least two hours a day with her friends..both homeschooled and kids in traditional classes..and I have to say that the homeschooled kids tend to be far more open minded and accepting than the ones from public schools. None of her home schooled friends have ever made fun of her younger brother with autism, while in public school she was nearly beaten up when she rose to the defense of a friend with cerebral palsey.





Conflict and being belittled because of differences is not "part of growing up". In my mind it is part of the problem we see shaping our society. Letting children treat one another that way on the school yard and saying it is "typical schoolyard behavior" does not give us tolerant adults. It gives us adults who are not ready to face the diversity that will be part of their professional and parenting lives.





As for learning that being teased is part of life..she experienced that when she was in public school. She was constantly singled out as the only white, non-Christian child in her class. That is not the real world. In the real world, if you treated someone like that in a professional setting you could be fired or found guilty of violation of many different federal and local eoe laws and/or hate crimes. For all the adults who say that...stop and think of the one time in school when someone tore into you for something you truely were proud of or had no control over..the new outfit you loved that wasn't considered "cool". The fact you celebrated a holiday differently than someone else. Or how about the glassed you had or the braces on your teeth? Stop and remember that knot in your stomach, the burning feeling behind your eyes and the confusion you felt that someone else was being so mean over something you had no say in. Is that really something tha made you who you are today?? And is that really something you feel makes anyone a better person??
Reply:The only thing different, is that the kids in school, don't get the teacher's undivided attention! OMG! Isn't that aweful?
Reply:My friend is a schoolteacher who sometimes comes across homeschooled pupils who are now in senior school. She says they struggle to fit in with the other children, they need more help with their work and generally, stand out for this reason. No offense meant, I'm interested in this subject.
Reply:Even to answer this question would force one to draw upon stereotypes. I think a lot of it depends upon the homeschooling situation. If the children still interact with their peers through clubs, sports, etc., they will probably be fine. If a homeschooled child is basically raised in isolation, of course he/she will be socially inept. Of course, there are plenty of socially inept children in schools as well.
Reply:Many people say that homeschoolers are "socially retarded." I am homeschooled, but I'm not. Social skills are something that depends on the atmosphere. Since I was homeschooled I can talk to adults much more easily than my own age group. I have developed a respect for authority in doing this. When in public school you forget the sense of authority because you are facing teachers who many times will bow down to the kids.(or so my mother says) If one wants social skills I reccomend going into a sport or hobby that has other kids interested in the same thing. This is how I get my social skills through fencing.
Reply:They are lacking nothing. My guess is that the negative encounters spoken of here are preconceived notions on the part of the anti-homeschoolers coupled with the homeschooler(s) being in a new atmosphere. If one already has in their mind that homeschoolers are 'weird' then people will find something 'weird'.





I see that Nab fits in the double standard category quite nicely with her comment, "And I don't mean other homeschoolers". It's 'okay' to be in the school environment and make friends with ONLY people who are in the school, who they more than likely also partake in after school activities with but not okay for homeschoolers to make friends with other homeschoolers?





For the naysayers bringing up, "What about the prom? What about dances?" Tell you what, ask the school kids labeled 'nerds, geeks, and ugly' how thrilling the proms and dances are to them. ;-) Screw the prom and dances, big deal.
Reply:Personally i was home schooled and i loved it so did my brothers. I hate to admit it but there IS a negative side to the individuals social skills there are however some good things it teaches like the ability to work and figure things out on their own and using their own initiative to do work, because i was home schooled and then i went to college i did not fit in with the other students at first, however i did eventually adapt quite well to being part of a larger group (now i have the advantage of being able to work on my own AND in a group), mainly it was me, not them who had the problem, for example i wouldn't trust anyone to get their work done right or have good ideas because i relied on myself for a long time. In the long run if the kid is keeping in touch with other kids i don't think this would be a problem, but if they are kept out of school because they don't have friends or want to be on their own then the core of the problem is not in the school or home school debate, but the child's own mindset.





Basically, when home schooled, the only effect on a child is the ability to interact with others more effectively, it wont remove social skills it just wont develop them any further......until they go drinking!! lol





So in my opinion if they go to college and learn social skills there its still all good, maybe even an advantage.
Reply:i am so tired already of the what about the socaliation question and i have only been home schooling my son for a couple of months. i removed my son from school due to relentless bullying! i had numerous appointments with the school to get it sorted out, he was made to see psychologists. as well as a psychiatrist. who all said there was nothing wrong with him the school was at fault for not dealing with the problem. as a mom i was being bullied by the system for my son being bullied! we were being victimized for him being a victim. how can that be right? and how can that really be being taught socialization? we wont stay in a work place as adults if we are being bullied or harassed so why should we expect our children to do that?
Reply:Kids who are homeschooled typically don't have the same level of peer interaction than kids in school have. It depends on how outgoing the kid is as to the degree that it will affect him/her. I do think that homeschooled kids are often brighter and nicer.
Reply:You wanna know what's really funny about the whole socializa'mazation *argument"?





It isn't the real issue.





A "school" that is led by a principal and staffed by teachers is very small in comparison to the home-school ocean.


My students swim in the sea of real life every single day. They don't need to be boxed in by a gov't mandated building and by a set of social standards that are dictated by the current fads and media.





The fact is that social skills are not learned in a crowd. They are learned at tea-time with a perfectionist Brittish hostess. Our wonderful neighbor took the time to invite all of the neighbor children to her home for tea and crumpets. They were taught to use their utensils appropriately and to speak correctly. They had a wonderful time! Now they are all well on their way to surviving in the real world.
Reply:People who say home school children don't have any social skills are usually basing their opinion on the children who were forced to return to school because their parents weren't doing the job well. If you provide opportunities for your children to socialize, they will learn all the social skills they need. They may not grow the "thick skin" of children who are frequently teased, but then neither do some public school children. I have met some home schooled students while I was in college and I was impressed with thier ability to converse with different types of people (different personality types) and time management skills. They all did very well at my college and were much better prepared than most students.
Reply:They don't know what it is like to be teased for being short, tall, fat, skinny - for as silly as it sounds, THAT is part of growing up and living a well-rounded life. Kind of like when I wanted to know why I had to take economics? It's part of my well-rounded education. They miss out on all that interaction of every-day life.





Do you teach them about the Jewish holidays or explain the difference between black girl's hair and white girl's hair. These are the things they experience by getting out in the world and interacting for 6-7 hours a day with other children outside the cocoon you have them wrapped in.
Reply:P.E
Reply:I'm not sure why people focus on the socializing aspect of home-schooling, but it could be that years ago people would say that if you home-schooled your children they would not receive a good education. No-one seems to say that anymore, because home-schooling has an excellent accademic track record.





In fact you should tell people who bring up the socialization question that "SOCIALIZATION" is actually defined as the process by which the norms and standards of a society are passed from one generation to the next. I've never really thought that a complete stranger’s six-year old child would be a good source of information on the correct standards of behavior in our family or in society as a whole.





As for "SOCIALIZING", I think my home-schooled 9 year old has lots of social time - we complete all her school work in about 2 hours, she attends a home-school group on Mondays where she has a group of friends of all ages, dance classes on Tuesdays, Piano class and Girl Scouts on Wednesdays, Ice skating and choir practice every week. She also has been helping me to deliver Meals-on-Wheels since before she was 2 years old. Not many kids of 9 years old have been volunteering their time in their community for over 7 years!





In fact, my daughter is extremely fortunate never to have been bullied in the school yard, teased on the school bus, ridiculed for not having the right brand of blue-jeans, nor has she ever had a teacher who disliked her. I think this kind of Negative Socialization is what my daughter is missing - but I don't think its a big loss!





I think that most home-schooled children are extremely well socialized, and I have found that home-schooled children, in general, are well adjusted, articulate, confident and are comfortable conversing with adults.





When you think about it, the way that a typical school segregates children into single age groups for up to 13 years of their lives, is not natural. When you compare that to home-schooled children who are mingling with a wide age range of people, I think the home-schoolers become much more comfortable with society at large.





My daughter and I went to Europe for a month this spring and that was a wonderful experience for us both - I think she did considerably more "socializing" than if she had been cooped up in a classroom with 30 other nine year olds. She was exposed to both English and Norwegian cultures, customs, currency and language - that is real education!
Reply:GREAT QUESTION!!!!!!!! I'm 14 and home schooled,and home schoolers get tons of good socializing.Many people say that kids have to go through all the bullying,name-calling, teachers being mean to them,etc.in order to make it in the world,but what about the kids who had to deal with all that all through they're lives,do you think that they enjoyed school,or they're young adult lives? do you think that they'll tell they're kids that you have to go through all that in order to make it in the real world? NO.They'll always have the memories of wedgies,stuffed in lockers, being called awful names,and having to deal with teachers who didn't really care about them at all,and that ruins a child's social skills,cause they have had any self-esteem and respect,etc. crushed at an early age.Now, on to home schoolers.Some home schoolers don't have perfect social lives,but that's not because of where they were taught,that's just how they were born.I myself am a shy girl,but I go to art class once a week,and I have one best friends,and two other friends that I hang out with at art.I also feel comfortable talking to adults,and I have become friends with adults,and so even though it sounds like that I never talk to anyone and that I don't have a very good social life,I'm happy,I don't need 500 friends who I see everyday to make me happy,I'd be fine if I only had my best friend.home schoolers get positive socialization,and they have MORE time to actually experience the REAL WORLD then just siting i a classroom with 30 other kids the same age,listening to a teacher talk about some really boring subject.again,GREAT QUESTION!
Reply:It's a dog eat dog world out there... being in public schools has it's down falls but.... children learn to interact within a group every day... exposed to authority other than their parents... it's like the scale of the food chain... you fight for your place... they enter adult life and society ready... no surprises... equiped with what it takes to compete and suceed... Home schoolers are some what sheltered...
Reply:These students have no social skill that relate to their school age peers. They need interaction with people their own age, with out parents. Sorry to say but most home school children are just as bright as the of us that went to public school and did just as many diverse activities as you seem to have. I took drawing from real artist at the art museums (one of the u.s. major museums) We from public school just learned to cope with the real world though the eyes of other children. I know that as a student you can be snarkie to others and criticize but still be best friends. Boys tend to be friends not just boyfriends, so you have males to chat with at lunch.





I went to a private school for elementary but public school for high school. I would never home school my children because they they would miss the stuff that makes memories and friends for life.
Reply:kids learn to share better in school.


they learn how to deal with other kids.


how to take turns.


learn how other kids learn.


its a class with more students, therefore thats how the real world is.... i mean there are so many ways school is better and its so hard to actually explain. to me its common sense how its better.